coffeepeople:

if you are attracted to me you are required by law to tell me. 

mebemrcupcakes:

If you want to be friends with me you don’t have to be “Hi, um, can, ya know, we be friends?”

It is 1000000000000000000000% percent ok if you just go into my inbox can go. “Man, I am so fucking pissed off at fucking Larry.” And I’ll most likely respond with, “Oh shit! What did Larry do now?” 

batmanisagatewaydrug:

thumbtackjuicyfruitspork:

You know when a fast angry song comes on that you know every word to and you’re in just the right mood that your eyes light up with the fire and angst of a thousand punk rockers and you just feel so alive

image

furything:

can you believe that there are legal nipples and illegal nipples

meladoodle:

try to close someone’s eyes like a corpse when you’re bored of talking to them

(Source: meladoodle)

flannelbuttphenomenon:

life hack: get a tattoo. if the people at the job interview notice it and look concerned, laugh a little and explain “it’s just temporary.”  months later if your boss asks why you lied and said it was a temporary tattoo, stare off into the distance and whisper with a tremulous voice the poor excuse for truth your subconscious has been fighting for its entire insignificant existence: “everything is temporary.”


(Source: maliahales)